How to Poop in the Woods

Picture this.

 You’re with a group of your best buddies enjoying the beautiful scenery of your favorite trail. You guys have been sharing stories, and loving every second on the trail. You’ve only got 1 mile left until you get to where you are going to set up camp, and the sun is just starting to set over the ridgeline to the west.

 The past 5 hours have been just perfect. You can’t wait to get the fire started, eat your favorite dry-freezed meal (fettuccini alfredo of course), and sip on some fine whiskey.

 Then it hits…

 You know the feeling. The “I have to find a bathroom in the next 10 seconds or else it’s going to be a bad day” feeling. We’ve all been there.

 The only problem is the closet bathroom with a nice warm toilet seat is at least 10 miles in any direction.

 Time to face your fears and take a dump in the woods…

 Now, a lot of people have some serious anxiety when it comes to doing the poo in the woods. But, honestly, I’ve found that with a little coaching, it can be seriously relaxing.

 Dropping trough in the woods doesn’t need to be intimidating, just follow the 4 easy steps below and you’ll be ready to take a deuce in no time!  

1. Bring the Right Hardware:

 Something to dig a hole with (mini-shovel, stick, or boot heel), Biodegradable Wipes, Anti-Monkey Butt Powder, and hand sanitizer. That’s all you need! Some people prefer regular old toilet paper, but I’ve always found that bringing biodegradable wet-wipes gives a much cleaner feel and helps prevent chaffing.


2. Pick Out Your Spot:

Preferably, you’ll choose a nice sunny spot that is at least 200 feet (or about 70 steps) away from your campsite and away from any type of water source that you might be using.

3. Do Your Business: 

 Dig a hole about 6 inches deep – you can do this easily with an entrenching tool (mini shovel), but if you don’t have one you can use a stick, or even the heel of your boot.

 Take a deep breath, relax, and ahhh… do your business.

 Use the minimum amount of Biodegradable Wipes needed, but make sure you get clean!

 Recover the hole you just made, and make sure that you leave no trace.

4. Get Clean:

 Nothing causes worse chaffing than a dirty behind. Be sure to clean up by sprinkling a little bit of Anti-Monkey Butt Powder down there. This powder is an absolute lifesaver and has helped me prevent chaffing hundreds of times. If you forget to bring it and start chaffing, pick some up as soon as you get off the trail, apply before you go to bed for the night, and your chaffing will be gone by the morning.

 Be sure to use hand sanitizer liberally to kill any bacteria.

 That’s it!

So, if you start getting a little antsy whenever you feel that rumbling in your tummy while you are on your hike, have no fear. Using the above 4 steps will make it a pleasant experience.



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